Posts Tagged ‘coaching’
Shifting Gears
Shifting Gears
“Laugh when you can, apologize when you should, and let go of what you can’t change. Kiss slowly, play hard, forgive quickly, take chances, give everything and have no regrets. Life’s too short to be anything…but happy.”
Unknown
I just returned home from a vacation with my husband. It was an awesome holiday; however, it could have turned out quite differently had I let it, as it had several key ingredients required for a big bowl of disaster.
A few months ago my husband Clyde, organized a 5-day cycling tour for us, travelling through The Sonoma Valley and The Napa Valley in California. He arranged this with a bike tour company, who helped to set up the route, the distance and type of terrain we wanted to cycle. They arranged our bed and breakfasts along our tour and picked up our luggage each day and had it waiting for us at the B & B in the next town.
Clyde is a very experienced road bike cyclist, but me, not so much. He told the tour company that we wanted to cycle 100 – 125km daily, and to incorporate some hills in our terrain. I felt that this distance would be too much, after all, we were on holiday’s, but Clyde was confident we (I) could do it. We were excited!
Finally, our departure day was upon us, but it did not start off well. While packing the night before, to my horror, I could not find the American money that we had taken out over the previous 2 months. You see, I have several “hiding spots”, but the money was in none of the usual places. I kept this to myself for the first couple of hours, as I didn’t want to stress out Clyde. Eventually I had to tell him, as I needed help finding it. It was a significant amount of money, so the panic was on.
We spent half of the night and most of the next morning looking, but nothing. We had wanted to leave our house by 10AM, but because of the hunt we didn’t leave until 3:30PM. Then it was off to the bank to get, yes, MORE money as we never found it. Not a good start, however, with some effort I was able to let it go (as I couldn’t do anything more about it) so that it wouldn’t put a damper on our vacation.
On the morning of day 3 of our drive from Winnipeg to California, we woke up to a dark and rainy day in Utah. Within 20 minutes and in the mountains, the rain quickly turned into snow. Thick, heavy, wet snow was coming down so fast that we could not see 3 feet past our car. Within minutes of the “white-out” cars and semi’s had pulled over to the side of the road or has slipped or jack-knifed off the interstate. One lane was suddenly snow covered and impassable. It was the worst snow storm that we had ever driven through and it just happened to be in the mountains. We chose to keep driving, very slowly behind a semi, as our cycling tour started the next day so we didn’t want to be delayed. The storm subsided after about one hour, but I don’t know who had whiter knuckles, me or Clyde.
Finally, with the long drive behind us, the morning of our bike tour was upon us. The tour company rep picked us up to drive us to our first departure point. Before jumping on our bikes, she showed us a map with our routes charted out for the next 5 days. She commented that we must be experienced riders as the route we (Clyde) chose was “fairly aggressive”. Now, she was a tri-athlete, so it concerned me when she said, “fairly aggressive”. But, I trusted Clyde’s judgment on what I could and couldn’t handle, so off we went, riding into the beautiful mountains and the valleys.
10 minutes into the ride, we encountered what would be the first of many, many climbs. This one had an 8% grade, which at the time meant nothing to me. After all, I’m a prairie girl. My idea of climbing hills is maneuvering potholes! However, quickly I discovered that I did not like 8% grades as I could not finish the climb on my bike. I had to walk my bike up and believe me, this 20 minutes was tough enough.
Once this climb was complete, I was exhausted, but Clyde assured me that this was the steepest climb of the day. Okay, “press on. I can do this” I told myself. I didn’t want to let my husband down as he had been dreaming of a cycling vacation all of his adult life. I will persevere.
However, my determination quickly waned as the terrain was very up and down and I struggled to keep up with Clyde. I was not having fun. Two hours into our 5 day tour I was exhausted!
We stopped for a lunch break and took a look at the map for an alternate route to our first B & B stop. We found another route that still had some hills, but not as challenging as the route that we were on. Terrific! I was relieved.
What we didn’t know was that the road was a very narrow and winding single-lane road with no shoulder and lots of traffic. Initially we thought that we had made a good choice to change routes, but we turned out to be very wrong. It turned out to be one of the scariest and most stressful 2 hours of my life.
I still needed to walk my bike up a few steep hills. The difference now was that there was no shoulder in which to walk my bike and the road was extremely narrow. Off the edge of the road was a cliff that dropped down 50 feet or so, so even when riding my bike it was difficult to negotiate all the twists and turns as cars were whizzing by so close I could feel their breeze.
The last big climb on this road was fairly steep, but it was a very long climb. As I walked my bike up the hill for about 30 minutes, I prayed that a car would not leave me behind as road kill. Once I got to the top of the hill I was so relieved to see the decline about to start. HALLELUAH!!!
We started to descend. Ahh, much better; it was almost fun. Then we started going faster and faster and faster. I squeezed my brakes harder and harder just too slow down to a manageable speed. If I let up on my brakes even a bit I went too fast and found it difficult to handle my bike. All the while the cars were zooming by and I felt that I was hanging on for dear life. Every ounce of strength that I had was squeezing my brakes, but this was exhausting and I didn’t think that I could hold on much longer. My speed was up to 45km and I just held on for dear life and prayed.
At the bottom of the hill I was finally able to slow down enough to come to a stop; at which time I completely fell apart. All of the tension and stress in my body came pouring out. I was straddling my bike in the middle of The Sonoma Valley sobbing uncontrollably. Clyde just stood there, not knowing what to do or say. Once I was able to speak I just told him that I was done cycling and that I wanted a divorce.
I managed to cycle the rest of the way to our B & B even though the tears were still falling. As I rode I realized that I had 3 choices:
Quit (give up, fail)
Persevere (I’m tough, push through, pride, didn’t want to disappoint Clyde)
Change gears (revise route for rest of tour, ask for help, swallow pride)
Even though quitting at the time was very appealing, it was not an option. Did I keep going and tough it out (I can do anything), or do I accept defeat?
I didn’t have to make the decision as Clyde made it for me. As soon as we arrived at the B & B he called the tour company and told her that we needed to revise our route and the level of riding difficulty. She told Clyde that she would work on a new route that evening and meet us the following morning to review.
At dinner that night, I still felt somewhat defeated, although glad to be alive. I kept on apologizing to Clyde for ruining his much anticipated cycling holiday – for letting him down. I should have trained more. I should have been in better shape. I should be stronger.
With the help of a lovely glass of red wine, I began to realize how my pity party had not only put a damper on the day but was also ruining our dinner. Those darn “should have’s”. Time for a reality check.
“Why was I being so hard on myself? Why was I feeling like such a failure? Why did I assume that I had ruined my husband’s holiday?”
In reality, all of this was just made up and stuck in my head. The feeling of failure and of letting Clyde down was nothing more than nonsense in my mind. I, like a lot of people, want to look good to others and to exceed already high self-expectations. In reality, Clyde was very proud of my cycling ability and was happy to revise the route so that we both could enjoy it more. He didn’t think less of me. He was happy to just be cycling in this paradise with me and it didn’t matter how many hills we climbed or how many kilometers we rode. He reminded me that nobody was keeping score. I made the decision to accept my cycling ability and to instead be proud and happy of what I could do.
The remaining 4 days of cycling through the vineyards was FANTASTIC! We were able to enjoy the beautiful scenery, to relax and to visit several wineries along the way. Accepting my limitations lifted a huge weight off my shoulders. A smile was glued on my face for the next 4 days.
I think that a lot of us are so concerned with pleasing others or living up to high expectations that we continuously experience unhappiness and struggle in our life. However, there is no score keeper, so why not change gears or revise your plan so that you can experience happiness and everything will run much smoother? If I wasn’t able to challenge myself to do this on my vacation, the outcome would have been much different.
What would you like to challenge yourself with?
Just Wanted to Tell You…
“If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have to settle for the ordinary.”
Jim Rohn
Hello to all my friends and all the friends I’ve yet to meet!
I am leaving tomorrow for the journey of a life-time. I am going to experience hundreds of things that I have never experienced before. I am going to share this experience with – NO ONE.
I am going to a Vipassana Meditation course for 10 days. Ahhhhh – sounds heavenly you say; relaxing; soothing; peaceful. Well, not so much. It clearly says on the application:
- It is not a rest cure, a holiday, or an opportunity for socializing.
- It is not an escape from the trials and tribulations of everyday life.
- It is a technique that will eradicate suffering.
- It is a method of mental purification which allows one to face life’s tensions and problems in a calm, balanced way.
- It is an art of living that one can use to make positive contributions to society.
Did I mention that this is a silent retreat? No talking for 10 days. Except for sleeping (and even then I talk in my sleep), I don’t think that I have ever not spoken for longer than a few hours, never mind days.
You are required to sit on the floor (you can bring cushions) to do your meditation both on your own and in a group setting where the “course” will be taught. This happens everyday for 11 hours per day! The day starts at 4:00AM and ends at 9:30PM. Light meals are provided, with supper being a cup of tea and a piece of fruit. Well, who really needs much food when you are just sitting for days and days…
There is complete segregation of male and females at all times. No outside contact is allowed (i.e. phone calls home), no physical exercise is allowed and you are not allowed to bring music or reading and writing materials.
Sound like fun yet? Well, it gets better. Because there are more females in this course than males, there is not enough indoor sleeping room for everyone. So, I get to sleep in a tent after sitting on a floor for 11 hours. I have not slept in a tent since I was a Girl Guide, which really is now ancient history. I don’t like tents. I like a bed. And, we all know how wonderful our summer weather has been. Hopefully I won’t be treated to hail the size of golf balls.
So, why am willingly subjecting myself to such torture? Unfortunately, I don’t have a wise and profound answer for that question. Really, when it gets right down to it, I suppose I am doing it because I know it will be one of the hardest things that I have ever done. I have NEVER spent that much time by myself and I think it will be amazing to really get to know myself.
“Vipassana is one of India’s most ancient meditation techniques. It is the process of self-purification by self-observation. It starts with observing the natural breath and proceeds to observe the changing nature of the body and mind, and experiences the universal truths of impermanence, suffering and egolessness.” (Quoted from the Vipassana Meditation Course Application) For more information go to www.dhamma.org/code.htm.
I am not excited, I’m anxious. I am not looking forward to it, I am preparing for it. I have no expectations, but I know it will be life changing. I invite you to share my journey upon my return through my posts.
One last thing – the fall / winter coaching workshops will commence at the end of September, likely on the 29th. They will be 6 different workshops in the series and the attendance can either be on a one time basis or will also be sold at a significant savings for all 6 classes. More details to follow at the beginning of September.
I hope that you have a great last couple weeks of summer! Pretty soon the craziness of Sept. will be upon us.
Deb
Welcome To Debraven.com
After months of hard work I’m pleased to announce my new website, DebRaven.com.
I am a certified executive coach that works with professionals in the financial services industry who want to have it all; financial success, a positive outlook, great connections, integrity, a good work/life balance, a solid reputation and have fantastic personal relationships. Does this sound like you?
Success is different for everyone, but the general consensus is that it usually feels pretty good. In order to achieve personal or professional success, you have to be able to clearly define it. Can you? Can you clearly define exactly what success means to you? What will you do once you get there, or, how will you know. Do you have a plan?
It is so easy to get bogged down in day to day survival that we forget to look at the big picture. What is our bigger vision? What are we giving up in order to achieve perceived professional success / status?
Having a personal coach in your corner to help you achieve clarity and focus in all areas of your life may be the best thing that you could ever do for yourself, your business and your family. I provide a non-biased perspective as well as a sounding board for you to talk things out with, dream big and stay focused. I hold you accountable to your goals and assist you in busting through any barriers that may get in your way. I encourage you to dream big and not to apologize for wanting it all.
I realize that you are a busy professional, so I respect your time. I work one on one with clients over the telephone for 50 minutes, once per week. I have 3, 6 and 12 month coaching packages available. Long term accountability packages are also available. Payment may be made on my website (DebRaven.com) or by cheque.
My professional goal is to be of service to as many financial professionals that I can so that they can lead satisfying, fulfilled, successful, balanced lives that they and their family are proud of. Personally, it is very rewarding helping people who are hard-working, driven and have the utmost integrity. Almost all of the professionals that I have encountered in this industry have possessed these qualities and have become long-term clients. Thank you to these people who have introduced me to this wonderful profession. It is because of all of you that has made me want to spread my wings and to recognize my passion for working with professionals in this industry.
My goal is to write 2 posts per month. The posts will focus on coaching tips and techniques that you may use daily to help stay focused and positive in an uncertain economic climate. Any feedback on this would greatly be appreciated. I would also like to invite you to my web site (DebRaven.com) to fill out a complimentary life assessment. My way of thanking you for your time and for submitting it is to offer you a complimentary 25 minute coaching session. So, what are you waiting for?
Thank you for taking time out of your busy day to read this post. I look forward to having a great relationship with you.